interpersonal relationships

Throw a heap of adventure-seeking people from all over North America and the World together and you'll come up with some unlikely relationships. It is amazing and fascinating to sit across the table from someone entirely different from myself and find out what motivates them and keeps them going. There is an amazing amount of appreciation I have for such a diverse group of friends and acquaintances who are bound by a common traveling mentality.

However, I have realized over the past couple months how inherent selfishness is to the way we relate to others. In fact, I have had more than one person tell me that I need to relate to other people in such a way that is beneficial to myself. I suppose I have a desire to protect myself and desire my own happiness, but something in me pushes against such a self-indulgent attitude.

I disagree with that understanding of relating to one another. It seems to me that the healthiest relationships are those that have a good balance of give-and-take; when each party is concerned with the welfare and livelihood of their friend. I know my self-image is a hindrance, but I have tried to live with an "others first" motto in life. Sometimes I even have to be pushed away or be put out with the realization that the world is bigger than me and it probably means someone else gets a break, or a bonus in life.

Most people probably don't even realize their self-centered attitudes are affecting others. But, consider the ridiculous lawsuits: a child falls off a playground slide and the manufacturer is to blame, a woman burns herself with hot coffee and the restaurant is at fault, or someone physically assaults a coworker and the company takes the blame for a indecent working environment. Are these really scapegoats for our own accidents or actions? Or what of our society pumped full of junk and litter of all sorts in our stores and on our curbs. Cheap toys, ridiculous inventions, and trinkets of all types are a waste of time, labor, and resources; yet, the spoiled wealthy of the world feel that such junk is necessity for their happiness.

America is full of selfish individuals out to get, get, get. The question is no longer, "what can I give to others," it has matriculated into an ugly issue of "what will I get out of this." I guess I wish that people would consider the thoughts feelings and needs of other people who might be affected by the decisions they make or the words they say. Is that a selfish request?

I read a book this summer that turns this around in an eloquent and thought provoking way: I have two things to say to that, he said. First, none of us can avoid being contaminated by the world’s evils; it’s all a matter of what attitude you take towards them. And second, you always talk about the effect of ‘these people’ on you. Have you ever thought about your effect on them?” -- Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi --